I cannot believe that 4 months has gone by since you entered this world. You are the happiest, most chilled out, loveliest baby I know. Ok, obviously I would say that…I am your mommy!
Getting to know you has been such an absolute delight: from the moment I reached down and touched the top of your head as you were crowning just before you were born to watching you doze off on my breast just a few minutes ago.
Some of my favourite moments with you include holding you in my arms seconds after you were born, watching you breastfeed for the first time, climbing into bed with you a couple of hours after you were born and letting your smell and oxytocin inducing gorgeousness envelope me in bliss, watching you sleep, smile and nuzzling your neck.
Now you are a whopping 4 months old, well out of your 0-3 month old clothes and some of your 3-6 month clothes are on the small side. You are a proper little giggler now and it’s so contagious! I can’t look at you without getting an overwhelming sense of how much I love you, and how I just – selfishly – would like to freeze time and keep you in all your gorgeousness the way you are now. You are like a drug – intoxicating to the max – I want to bottle your smell, somehow store and save the way you make me feel. I love the way you reach for me in your dreams at night, put a hand on my cheek or my chin and immediately settle knowing that your mama is close. I love the way you wriggle close to me when you’re hungry or need comfort in the night and latch on to my breast. I couldn’t not share my bed with you, that would be just too hard and too tiring for us both!
I love the milky smell of your breath, and I love spending most evening feeding you. Truly I do! I remember your big sister wanting to feed all evening – and being my first it spun me out a bit. I wondered if it was necessary, whether I was spoiling her as some claimed, or worse still over feeding her. I also had the sense that my evenings, in fact my life, was no longer my own and this used to scare me a it. But now I know that either you are telling my body that you are growing and I need to make more milk, or you just want to be close to me and suck for comfort. And both are fine! I also now know how quickly this time goes and I absolutely treasure and cherish it! I love the way you giggle uncontrollably when we snuffle your neck or tickle you, only a baby can laugh like that. I am so happy to be your mummy.
One thing daddy and I really enjoy is chatting to you. You really make eye contact(and have done for months!) and you look so chuffed and joyful when we copy the sounds you make and give you a chance to answer back. We have tried to get these chats on video, but you’re distracted by the camera…but they are so precious. You can almost see the neural pathways forming as you have realised that you have control over your hands. You have quick reflexes too and will have our bowl off the table in a second if we don’t keep our eyes on you! You want to put everything in your mouth now, which we don’t mistake for you being hungry. You are discovering, and this is the way you do it. You are also chewing on things and dribbling as your first teeth must be lurking under your gums, not too many months away from making their appearance. You have a lovely little amber teething necklace now, and I have one to match. You enjoy holding onto it and pulling it while you breastfeed just lately too.
Your sisters love you very much. You make them giggle when you accidently bash your rattle against your nose, or drop things repeatedly on the floor. They want to hold, cuddle and kiss you constantly, and it’s not unheard of for them to wake you up to do so! You love grabbing hold of their hair – this makes them shriek and giggle and you look so pleased with yourself.
My only one regret is that I can’t be fully with you 100% of the time, that I have other jobs to do, but in a sense this makes the undisturbed times with you all the more special. I am so grateful for your calm and happy soul! Our family would not be complete without you!
Lots of love